Author Megan Harris M.
Little Snippets
So I've writen this memoir, which started as a collection of essays that turned into chapters. Each chapter focuses on my time as a single mother...and all of the reasons I had for making all of the bad decisions I made.
A Kiss
For you--
It may have been just a
kiss...
But in that one kiss,
Two worlds collided,
The real and the ideal,
And the two made every
Fantasy, Dream, and Wish
As real as the love I tasted from
you.
And now I'm alive,
I'm awake,
And I see purpose.
It may have been just a
kiss...
But in that frozen moment of
Warmth and Adoration,
I could finally define
Love.
"Two Duffel Bags"
"...I entered the shopping center. It was all but deserted, save for a few cars scattered here and there. I spotted a payphone near a Chevy Chase Bank and crossed my fingers. Looking around me first to make sure there was nobody lurking around the ATM machine, I took out two quarters and dialed his number.
I took a quick look at my watch in the dim light as I listened to the soft ringing. It was nearing 11 p.m. “Hello?” Adam answered sleepily on the third ring. I licked my dry lips. My heart’s vibrations reached the inside of my ears.
“Um…Adam…it’s Megan.” I waited for him to reply. He didn’t. So I spoke nervously, but quickly. “Um…I’m out here, not too far from you, and I don’t have anywhere to go. Can you please come pick me up?”
He didn’t reply at first. Please, God, help me, I prayed silently. I was scared beyond scared, and I hated every moment that was my life right now. I bit down on my lips and waited for his reply, holding the earpiece to my ear as tightly as I could.
He didn’t reply at first. Please, God, help me, I prayed silently. I was scared beyond scared, and I hated every moment that was my life right now. I bit down on my lips and waited for his reply, holding the earpiece to my ear as tightly as I could.
He finally spoke. “I’m in bed and I have work tomorrow. What do you want me to do about it?” His voice was robotic and unfeeling. I blinked my eyes twice in disbelief as I continued to grip the earpiece with all of my might, praying that he would speak again…that he would tell me that he was just kidding…and ask me where he should come get me. But he didn’t. I must have held onto that phone for a good 45 seconds, praying hard for a miracle that would never happen.
Tears dripped from my eyes. “Um…ok. Well…thank you.” And with that, I hung up the phone. I remained by it for a few minutes, however, hoping he would call the payphone back. He just had to look at his caller ID and see the number and call right back. I was pregnant with his baby, and I just had to believe that he wouldn’t let me sit out here by myself.
The phone never rang.
Thankfully, there was a park bench a few feet from the ATM. I rested my two duffel bags on it and sat down. I began to cry..."
"Good Mothers"
"Named for Nuestra Señora de Guadalupe, The Guadalupe Home was established as a sanctuary for pregnant women--from youthful teenagers as young as 13, to older women who were nearing the age of useless eggs--who had nowhere else to turn. Some women had children already from previous relationships/marriages that they had to leave behind; some were already living on the streets and kicking a drug habit when they found out they were expecting; one or two others had a history of child abuse/child neglect, and were just sadly waiting for the state of Texas to take their newborns away as soon as the babes took their first breath of air inside of the delivery room.
"Meal Ticket"
"...Ernest James was a cool and confident--almost arrogant...no, definitely arrogant--type of guy. The kind that you’d want as a good friend because he was charming, carried his charisma with him everywhere he went, and he could make a joke out of anything. But he wasn’t right for me. He was a hard worker at VEIP, but after his shifts ended, he clipped a glock pistol to his hip and sold benzos and other mind-altering drugs well into the unsafe hours of the night...
Mostly, he sold marijuana (this was years before it was finally legalized in the District) and Xanax and Valium. He was the real-deal, real-life bad boy, and though he was never ever, in a million and one years, my type, he was able to take my mind away from the failure I had become during the four years of my son's existence.
I didn’t like being out in the streets with Ernest. Felt like a shitty-ass mother for subjecting my son to it, and in the very deep parts of my mind, I knew I couldn’t actually be in love with a man like that. Ernest was almost like Veronica. I was out to please both of them, though I never succeeded..."